Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Open The Door to condition and Fitness

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"Leslie, a fracture this bad changes your life - forever."

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That's what the orthopedic surgeon said to me during my fourth-week, post-operation check-up.

The tears, too proud to flow, prickled behind my eyes. The flimsy cloak of denial disappeared. Reality hit me; hit me hard.

I'd like to say that breaking both bones in my right forearm brought out my bravest and noblest self.

Quite the contrary. I felt weak, vulnerable, and never so alone. I knew I was the solo warrior in this battle of pain, disability, and recovery, in spite of the loving sustain from the flanks.

I hated those odds: alone. I cried - a lot.

Worst of all, I was scared. Scared that I'd never be the same. I needed my arm for my work, my writing, my activities, and for my children - I worried about my children worrying about me.

My fear and self-absorption were fueled by the doctor's honesty.

I was ready to rule into my pity party, but it was crashed - by the "G" sisters: Get-a-Grip Gerty and Gratitude Greta. Double-teaming me, they were a fierce, formidable force - impossible to ignore. Trust me, I tried, but they were right in my face. Who invited them anyway? I loved hanging out with my buddies from the Wendy Whiner's Club.

Get-a-Grip Gerty not-so-gently reminded me:

"Leslie, you aren't paralyzed or missing an arm or leg. Some disease isn't taking over your body. You didn't break your neck - it's just a broken arm, for goodness sakes. Broken bones heal. Get a grip, girl.

"And even if it was more serious than a broken wing, you can always learn to fly, if in spirit only. Open your eyes and heart and receive inner impel and courage from those heroes who rise above permanent hardship, loss, constant pain, life-long disability and/or illness.

"The human spirit finds a way of prevailing and inspiring."

And then Gratitude Greta piped up:

"Glitches happen to all of us - it's not a matter of "if," it's "when." It's these very glitches that give you the occasion to dig deep and grow from the inside out. They mold your character. They soften your heart for compassion, empathy, and love - self-love and other-love.

"Life's glitches spark creativity and shed light on priorities, possibilities, and promise.

"Life's glitches open up doors of awareness into the core of you and your soul's purpose.

"Be grateful for glitches. You are who you are because of them, not in spite of them."

Okay, okay, "G" girls. I got the message. It goes something like: "Get over yourself, girlfriend, and get on with it - be all that you can be and do what you can do - and with a grateful heart."

The doctor was right. My life has changed forever, and only time will tell the depth and breadth of that change, the change in my body, mind, and spirit.

Do I still get scared and sneak back into that pity party? truly - lots of times. But, luckily, Get-a-Grip Gerty and Gratitude Greta (yes, they keep hanging around) love getting me by the scruff of my scrawny neck and dragging me away, kicking and screaming, from all those Wendy Whiners.

I am reminded of a quote by Boris Pasternak:

"When a great moment knocks on the door of your life, it is often no louder than the beating of your heart, and it is very easy to miss it."

God knew that hard-headed me needed a very loud knock to get my attention. After that slip, crash, crunch, pain, and first thought, "Oh, no, I broke my arm - how am I going to work?", I am ultimately listening - at least I hope I am - well, at least some of the time anyway.

Any words of wisdom, my friend? I'm all ears.

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